This beautiful girl is my first born. But she almost didn’t happen. About seventeen years ago, I wasn’t feeling well. I was “late” but multiple pregnancy tests showed negative. So I went to the doctor, who prescribed me a medication that would “get things started” and “get me back on track.” Being the young 24 year old that I was, I took the handwritten script, put it in my purse, and left -- no questions asked.
I went back to work, but I remember feeling really uneasy about it. In fact, I remember sitting at my desk staring at the prescription. I can still see it vividly on the desktop. I was just sitting there for a long time, with this awful feeling in my gut. I couldn’t explain why, but I just could not bring myself to take it. So, I decided I would just “wait and see” what would happen.
The next day my doctor called in a panic asking me if I had taken the prescription yet. I admitted that I hadn’t. “Good,” she sighed. “Because we have your labs back, and it looks like you’re pregnant.” Those pills would have ended that pregnancy.
I had so many mixed emotions that day… complete joy for the pregnancy, mixed with anger and fear of what could have been. Seventeen years later, as I think back on that day, I shudder. When I look at this beautiful girl, who is standing up for her faith and her beliefs at school, even taking on teachers… who has a mind as deep as the oceans and a heart as hot as a furnace… who teaches me daily what it means to be bold and courageous and just…. who loves politics and God and this country… who wants to be a civil rights attorney and change the world… who challenges me and keeps me on my toes like no other human on the planet (have you ever tried disciplining a future attorney??)
When I look at her, when I think of all the possibility within her, all the unique joy and pride and love she has brought to me that no other person on earth can bring… I realize I would not be me, today, if I had taken those pills back then. From the first sight of those giant eyes when she was born, to the long, deep talks we now have at the kitchen counter while I cook… she has forever changed my life and my heart.
But what if she hadn’t been born? What if I had just taken those pills? The “what ifs” still haunt me to this day.
I’m praying all those considering abortion today, first consider their “what ifs”… I pray that, regardless of whatever tough situation they are facing, they get that same feeling in their gut that I had 17 years ago, and I pray they too have the strength to “wait and see” what life can bring…